Reflections

[singerinthedark]

Did you ever have a moment where you are in your car, heading home, and you get the sudden urge to pick a direction and keep driving until you have to pull over to sleep, get up, and then keep going?

I had a moment like that not too long ago. I haven't entirely lost the urge yet.

Or how about this: Have you ever felt so restless, so desirous of change that you wanted to exersize, run, jog, swim, whatever, until every muscle in your body burned and ached?

I need to get out of this house. I need to get a job. I don't want to take work that I am not passionate about - I am afraid that I'll get stuck. On a different level, I recognize that I can't sit around waiting for the perfect job to appear. I need to find something to do in the interum, not only for my sanity, but also to ensure I have a place to live, food to eat, etc. as the year wears onward. It's just frustrating because all of the environmental positions that come up are for people with 10+ years of experience as a scientist. There are few/no entry level positions opening up right now. GRRRR!

I need to change, to bend, to fix my life. I need for everything to be o-kay, right now, because I said so. That's right, Universe, you heard me. Because. I. Said. So. I'll even throw in the magic words: Please. Thank you.

I need to let go. I need to throw my hands up in the air and accept this life as my own. I recognize that I still haven't done that - not in my heart of hearts. I am still waiting to wake up, waiting for Matt to still be alive, and for my life to still be full of the possibilities that I was counting on. I can't fly until I figure out how to fall, and I can't fall until I let go.

Comments

[satyrlovesong.livejournal.com]

Yes, I get that way frequently. When I was young and not tied down by a career and other such responsibilities, I used to indulge in it often. You would never know when I'd get a wild hair and end up in San Diego, Seattle, Salt Lake City, etc. I'd often explore small towns with no names but charming buildings. I would meet wonderful, colourful people - and promise to stay in touch but rarely do so.

When I got older, I managed to snag a job for a couple of years that was 100% international travel. THAT was fun, and left me with a lifetime of memories and amusing (and occasionally terrifying) stories.

Now I just schedule my itchy feet and try to limit them to one weekend a quarter of random driving.

As to work, I STRONGLY recommend that you do some temp work for a while. I worked as a biochemist for Neonatology for two years through the UCD Temporary Employment Pool, and if you check with groblek I'm pretty sure there are other temporary scientific companies out there. The point is to be *doing* something, even if it isn't perfect. You'll gain experience, prove you can do good work and more importantly. . . you'll make contacts. Don't wait for the perfect job, because in all honesty you don't know what will be perfect until you try it. I never in a million years would have guessed I'd end up a "computer geek". My educational background was in HISTORY, for goodness sake! I thought I'd be a curator someplace, but those jobs are few and far between. I found that I love the career I fell into though, and you may too. Take the leap, dear one.

[figsauce.livejournal.com]

I know what that's like. I felt utterly lost after graduating, also not wanting to get stuck in something I didn't like but under a great deal of pressure to take the first thing that came along so I could support the now-ex and get the heck away from my folks.

Temping really seems to be the way to go for entry-level nowdays. So many companies favor the temp-to-hire scheme. And as I found out, in some ways a temp position may be more secure than a low-level FT job. You pick up experience and if you're totally bored or stressed you can move on to the next thing.

There are quite a few science temping agencies out there--also, lots of large temp agencies have special divisions devoted to tech/sci positions. I used several of them to get interviews--it's a little crazy sometimes but it's best to have several doing legwork for you at the same time. Even if you have days when you can't bear to job-hunt (as I did, frequently) they're still looking for you, and it takes some of the pressure off of you. I can give you reviews of recruiters and agencies I've used, if you'd like.


Hang in there. Everything you need to enact change in your life is already in you, somewhere. You keep digging and you'll find it.


-Christina

[battymaiden.livejournal.com]

I'd love to hear what you have to say about the temp agencies that you've worked for... There are a lot of them out there, and it's a little overwhelming, to say the least.