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A hard question . . .
Apr. 22nd, 2005 05:46 pmI've been thinking a lot lately about soul-mates. Here I am, 23 years old, and I have already found and lost my soul-mate. Most people spend their entire lives looking that other person. I am 23 years old and I have already had the love of my life - and it's over. I know that I'm really too young to say that, but Matt made me believe in fate and love at first sight. He taught me that there is a deeper knowledge that you can have of other people that goes beyond consciousness, beyond this life.
At the heart of the matter is this: People do find their soul-mate. However, outside of the occasional tragic novel, you rarely hear the stories of people who lose their soul-mate, and how they cope with such a huge loss. Moreover, the stories you do hear are all about people who lose their soul-mate much later in life. I am afraid that Matt's loss means that I have to cram all of life in now because I have reached the latter half of my life. Honestly, I know this is probably not true. I just hurt so much right now that it's hard to envision having a long, fulfilling life without Matthew. (And before those of you who know me worry too much, I start grief counceling on Monday.)
So now I ask this of anyone who stumbles across this entry who just might be able to answer this question - How do you move on when you lose someone so close it feels like a part of you died? I mean, is there life after losing a soul-mate?
I guess the hardest part of all of this is that, no matter how much I want it to sometimes, the world does not stop just because I lost Matt. I keep telling myself to breathe, to take it one moment at a time, but I could really use some reassurance right now. I need to know that there's something for me out there.
At the heart of the matter is this: People do find their soul-mate. However, outside of the occasional tragic novel, you rarely hear the stories of people who lose their soul-mate, and how they cope with such a huge loss. Moreover, the stories you do hear are all about people who lose their soul-mate much later in life. I am afraid that Matt's loss means that I have to cram all of life in now because I have reached the latter half of my life. Honestly, I know this is probably not true. I just hurt so much right now that it's hard to envision having a long, fulfilling life without Matthew. (And before those of you who know me worry too much, I start grief counceling on Monday.)
So now I ask this of anyone who stumbles across this entry who just might be able to answer this question - How do you move on when you lose someone so close it feels like a part of you died? I mean, is there life after losing a soul-mate?
I guess the hardest part of all of this is that, no matter how much I want it to sometimes, the world does not stop just because I lost Matt. I keep telling myself to breathe, to take it one moment at a time, but I could really use some reassurance right now. I need to know that there's something for me out there.
