*Sigh*

May. 7th, 2008 05:11 pm
The cycle is over. Grandma passed away last night. Pray/light a candle for her and for my family. This was my Dad's last parent - he's taking this pretty hard. I've only ever seen him cry a little once: when Matt died. This morning I could tell he'd been sobbing when he called me. He was barely under control...

As for me, I'm o-kay. Sad, yes, but more relieved that anything. Grandma was really suffering the last couple of weeks, and I'm glad it's ended.
Drove up to Yreka, CA on Wednesday with my Dad and siblings. Mom had an unchangeable flight out to Chicago for work on Friday, and so could not have Thanksgiving with us for the first time, well, ever. It was sad.

Thursday - Saturday Morning was mostly spent at my aunt and uncle's cattle ranch. They have an amazing small set-up. Their cows are natural - they are grass fed, have lots of room to roam, are well-taken care of, and only get antibiotics when the cows are sick, not as a preventative measure. It was neat to hear all of my uncle's stories about why he started the ranch, how he runs it, why he is a natural farmer vs. an organic farmer, and about things that have happened to him as he learned the trade.

Friday we went out to some forest land that a friend of my uncle owns to cut Christmas trees. It's kept mostly pristine, though parts of it are harvested for lumber in a (7-year?) cycle to pay for land tax and such. We cut trees, sat around a bonfire, talked, ate minestrone soup, and generally spent most of the daylight hours in the prettiest country-side you ever could have seen. Did I mention it was cold? Yeah, it was 65 degrees in the sun - maybe. Probably more like 50 degrees, which was warm compared to the evening's 15 degrees. I have a dead tree that will probably make it to my apartment sometime this week. Yea tree!

Got home late Saturday night.

Today I have (Inhales):Mostly here to remind myself that I've done more than I think I have. )
singerinthedark: (Matthew Looking out)
On a purely editorial note, I have updated the previous entry with better, far less blurry pictures of the ring. Huzzah for my very intelligent mother who told me to try and scan my ring. It worked beautifully.

I am so grateful to the Godwins for having the jeweler finish the ring Matt commissioned for me and for paying for the ring. It is beautiful. Of all the thoughtful gifts Matt has given me in the four years we were together, this is the most amazing. Not for the expense or anything, but for the thought that obviously went into it. I mean, down to the Celtic knot being of a similar design to my favorite necklace - the first piece of jewlery he bought for me. Wow.

On a emotionally difficult note, I spent the weekend cleaning out some of Matt's things with his mom. On the one hand, I am relieved to not have the entirety of two people's stuff floating through my room and in the storage unit, and yet...Things - warning: this rant gets whiny )

It's weird to be able to walk through my room. It's weird to have all of these things just gone. In a way, it's like living my worst nightmare - that I'd wake up one day and Matt would have disappeared. In a different and upsetting way, it's been liberating.
As I predicted, my Dad was a pain in the butt this weekend. I love him so much, but really, I need a little breathing room. Telling him this six times did not help either. I ended up feeling worse about coming home to Davis by the time he dropped me off than I did leaving. *Sigh* I know he's having a hard time with this, but I really, Really, REALLY am not going to move back home. I am not going to run away from Davis just because I lost Matt. That would be running away from the issue. It doesn't matter how many times I tell my Dad this, though. He just keeps laying it on. I almost threw things at him when he dropped me off, not that he got the hint. Grrrrrr... My Dad has a thick skull.

In other news of the weird and misguided, I received a letter addressed to Matt from the UC Davis Med Center letting him know that his insurance carrier needed more information from him in the next ten days in order to process his claim. Anyone else find it ironic that the hospital (which has records of his death AND his parent's contact info) writes a letter to the deceased for more information regarding his injuries and such? (When I opened the letter, I could hear Matt slapping his forehead and saying, "sigh!")

As I said before, the grown-ups are certainly very odd...

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singerinthedark

August 2010

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