Whiny is not the phrase I would use. Stressed out, grieving, legitimately depressed, and trying hard all come a lot closer, but I suspect none of them really stand on their own.
Look -- when my father died, we were told: Don't get rid of anything major for at least a year. Don't sell the house. Don't give away anything sentimental. If there is a question in your mind about whether you will regret it later -- just don't. Now, to take your mother's side for a moment, there is something to be said for getting rid of day-to-day things -- clothes, his toothbrush, items that aren't meaningful to you but that would mean a lot to someone else (a gift his parents gave him that you don't have significant memories attached to, for instance). But only you get to decide what's right for you, and only you get to decide what to be sentimental about. This is not something your mother can decide for you. This is something you have to decide for yourself, as an adult.
If you need space, sit down and talk to your mother. I would explain that many of the things that you have kept are important to you, that you are doing your best, but that you need her to give you space to grieve (and learn to let go) in your own way. Be honest with her, but be honest with yourself too. Are you keeping things only because they belonged to Matt, or because they really are significant to you? When do you think you will be ready to let go? (I set myself "fixed yet movable" dates, because that's how my brain works and it lets me move forward, but you may find a different way to think about this.)
If I can make a suggestion, it would be a terrible pity to give something to Matt's parents that they will not value, but which is meaningful to you -- perhaps it would help to go through things with Matt's parents, instead of (or additionally) with your mother, to ensure that what they get, they will value, but that you are not giving up things that would be meaningful to you unless they are equally meaningful to his parents. You can't read minds, and his parents may see things in a very different way than you and your mother do. And you may find that in going through his things together, you discover things about each other (and matt, and relationships) that you didn't know before.
My other suggestion, and one I mean very seriously, is that if you are not seeing a grief counselor now, I would start as soon as possible. Having a safe place to talk things out (with someone who can give you better and more objective advice than your friends can) is So Helpful in dealing with things. It lets you understand what is normal (which can also give you tools to use when trying to deal with your mother's way of expressing her concerns). A grief counselor can also tell you what other people have done, helping to avoid the situation of trying to reinvent the wheel while suffering through a (perfectly normal and predictable) emotional storm. You may also find that if your mother knows you are getting help, she will feel more comfortable letting you proceed at your own pace. And it may be helpful to have your mother meet with your grief counselor as well, which will let her get a sense of the kind of person who is helping her daughter -- and which may help her feel more comfortable about letting go a little.
Long post. Sorry to ramble. But know that your mother undoubtedly only wants you to be happy. No question in my mind. And I know you probably feel like you will never be happy again (I know I went through that), and that you just want to be left alone to deal with things your own way... but (speaking observationally) it is really hard for parents to watch their kids suffer, and really really natural for them to try to fix things when they go wrong, even if they know (intellectually) that they can't. My guess is, your mom is trying to fix a gaping wound with a band-aid (and knows it), but it's the only thing she has, and she has to try something, because you are her daughter and she loves you.
no subject
Look -- when my father died, we were told: Don't get rid of anything major for at least a year. Don't sell the house. Don't give away anything sentimental. If there is a question in your mind about whether you will regret it later -- just don't. Now, to take your mother's side for a moment, there is something to be said for getting rid of day-to-day things -- clothes, his toothbrush, items that aren't meaningful to you but that would mean a lot to someone else (a gift his parents gave him that you don't have significant memories attached to, for instance). But only you get to decide what's right for you, and only you get to decide what to be sentimental about. This is not something your mother can decide for you. This is something you have to decide for yourself, as an adult.
If you need space, sit down and talk to your mother. I would explain that many of the things that you have kept are important to you, that you are doing your best, but that you need her to give you space to grieve (and learn to let go) in your own way. Be honest with her, but be honest with yourself too. Are you keeping things only because they belonged to Matt, or because they really are significant to you? When do you think you will be ready to let go? (I set myself "fixed yet movable" dates, because that's how my brain works and it lets me move forward, but you may find a different way to think about this.)
If I can make a suggestion, it would be a terrible pity to give something to Matt's parents that they will not value, but which is meaningful to you -- perhaps it would help to go through things with Matt's parents, instead of (or additionally) with your mother, to ensure that what they get, they will value, but that you are not giving up things that would be meaningful to you unless they are equally meaningful to his parents. You can't read minds, and his parents may see things in a very different way than you and your mother do. And you may find that in going through his things together, you discover things about each other (and matt, and relationships) that you didn't know before.
My other suggestion, and one I mean very seriously, is that if you are not seeing a grief counselor now, I would start as soon as possible. Having a safe place to talk things out (with someone who can give you better and more objective advice than your friends can) is So Helpful in dealing with things. It lets you understand what is normal (which can also give you tools to use when trying to deal with your mother's way of expressing her concerns). A grief counselor can also tell you what other people have done, helping to avoid the situation of trying to reinvent the wheel while suffering through a (perfectly normal and predictable) emotional storm. You may also find that if your mother knows you are getting help, she will feel more comfortable letting you proceed at your own pace. And it may be helpful to have your mother meet with your grief counselor as well, which will let her get a sense of the kind of person who is helping her daughter -- and which may help her feel more comfortable about letting go a little.
Long post. Sorry to ramble. But know that your mother undoubtedly only wants you to be happy. No question in my mind. And I know you probably feel like you will never be happy again (I know I went through that), and that you just want to be left alone to deal with things your own way... but (speaking observationally) it is really hard for parents to watch their kids suffer, and really really natural for them to try to fix things when they go wrong, even if they know (intellectually) that they can't. My guess is, your mom is trying to fix a gaping wound with a band-aid (and knows it), but it's the only thing she has, and she has to try something, because you are her daughter and she loves you.